It is Jan. 2, 1:42. The resolutions are still not made.
I am inspired and annoyed by the many aphorisms littering my desk.
A wrinkled fortune cookie paper suggests, "Be the labor great or small...Do it well or not at all!"
Yes. Thanks. Next...
A set of cards I've kept around forever offers up in bold black: "DANCE as though no one is watching you, LOVE as though you have never been hurt before, SING as though no one can hear you..."
Good. Great. Will do.
If I search around, I will find so many pieces of paper that attempt to help me be my best self. Then, of course, there are many packages of gold stars that mock me, unopened ones with large, medium and small and many, many opened ones with only smalls left.
Is this the year I'll finally try kick-boxing? Should I go back to Bikram? I think I might have some sessions left. Running leaves me cold, but could it be The Thing that gives me the discipline I need to get back at that yet-unfinished novel?
There are many therapists' numbers among the pile of cards I've collected, a bill for one along with the insurance form unfilled out. Who is the Other Insured? Is that me, the patient?
Day 2 of the year and I am still hopeful, optimistic if only a bit confused.
What do I really want if I could have it this year, lucky 2013??
I put the question to a barista friend, what his resolutions were, and he just shook his head.
"I know you...you want me to talk about myself, and I don't want to talk about myself."
I love a challenge. I forced the issue and made him think about it aloud.
"I need to come up with something I can do every day...Running, no, that's stupid. I won't do it."
"I know," I agreed. "You have to actually be able to do it, otherwise you set yourself up for failure. You really have to believe...all those people who do the marathon, they have to believe in the end goal, that it will really do something for them."
He looked alert suddenly.
"Maybe I will do the marathon..."
I laughed. "Maybe you just need the bigger goal to make the running seem worth it..."
"Maybe," he said.
It is early days, luckily. We have time to decide what the year has in store, what we want it to be. I do want to do what I choose to do well, I want to dance, love and sing to the very best of my ability. I guess the thing I need to do is try.
What do you want to try??