My Son, The Porn King

As I emerged from the shower the other day, straight into a towel, my 8-year-old accosted me. He had a camera in his hand.

"Come on!" he said. "I just want a picture of you naked..."

"Uh...no?" I said, wrapping the towel close around me, fending him off.

"Please? I just want to take one to show Oscar [his 6-year-old brother] and then we'll laugh and I'll erase it, I swear!"

He looked up at me with his best big-eyed dramatic pleading look, the fake one that lets me know he's lying. With an evil twinkle, in a low tone, as if offstage where those next to him, like me, couldn't hear him, he gave up the real plan.

"Ha ha! Not really, I'm NOT going to erase it, I'm going to make copies, and sell them to my friends for $1!"

Despite my best efforts, I let out a huge appreciative laugh. It was hilarious.

I shook my head. "Still no. I can't support you in this endeavor, my friend, much as I appreciate the entrepreneurship. You'll have to find something else to sell..."

Still laughing, I shooed him out the door to get dressed, locking the door. I wasn't taking any chances.

I was impressed, I have to say. I have to give the kid credit for coming up with such a plan, for knowing at such a young age that sex sells. I'd have given him a gold star if he wasn't already tired of them. The fact that he was willing to sell out his mother for a mere buck, now that's another story, but I did take it as a compliment that he felt, despite his inexperience, that the old nearing-40 bod would be worth even that. I mean, I'm imagining 8-year-olds are not that picky, but still...

If times get tough, it's good to know my son has a back-up plan. He probably knows what his friends are jonesing for better than I do. It scares me more than a little to think how the conversations might go on the playground already, how curious minds begin to move toward thinking about sex, about their desires, about naked bodies.

From what I understand, not all moms walk around in the buff. A lot of people think it's highly improper. A friend recently shared that her 4-year-old was forced to ask her, unfortunately on the subway train, loudly, if she had balls.

"Hasn't he seen you?" I asked, laughing.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "He was starting to grab at me and so, no, I don't get naked in front of him."

"They grab," I said, "but I just say no, that it's inappropriate now, with their mother. I don't want them to make seeing a naked girl such a big mystery, to make it seem like touching other people's bodies is so horrible. It's natural. Someday, with someone else, they'll want to do it and I don't want them to feel bad about wanting to."

I think I might be in the minority about my openness. In fact, I am sometimes shy of sharing that I am not shy in front of my boys, that I don't lock the door when I use the bathroom. Not that it would matter, they are french doors, mostly glass, so the lock is rendered useless. I was lambasted in a writing class for a scene in which my younger son comes in when I am showering and puts his lips to the glass for a kiss. I thought it was beautiful. Some people, the majority, thought it was sick and wrong.

Ah, sigh. We are, so many of us, filled with shame. A great artist shared with me his desire to delve into more sexual themes, but said he was nervous, even as an adult, that his conservative parents might judge.

I shook my head. "Sad that these themes are universal and, yet, people try to pretend they're not."

He agreed, but still. Likely, like a lot of people, he will keep his more prurient work under wraps until his parents are gone. Maybe such work will never see the light of day. I think it's sort of sad. After all, it's a big subject to explore. I am happy that my son feels comfortable sharing with me his thoughts, his jokingly devious plans. I think they are totally normal things to think about, even if I am unwilling to be his subject.

I have encouraged him to understand that sex is something he need not get involved with until years down the road, nice as it is. Down the road, though, he is free to do as he chooses. I will not judge.